girl

little girls should be seen and not heard
be silent and spread your legs
they say
because girls should be making babies
and dinner
girls don’t need to understand numbers
that’s man’s work
girls don’t need to understand cars
that’s man’s work
girls don’t need to understand science or mechanics or brain surgery
that’s man’s work
girls need to get married and find a man
someone needs to take care of them
they can’t do that themselves
because they need to concentrate on
taking care of man
and children
and parents

little girls should be pretty and clean
not playing in the mud like a dirty boy
not turning ratchets or fixing leaks or changing tires
that’s man’s work
ugly girls
chubby girls
it’s ok for them to be the subject of jokes and harassment
there’s no point in raising aggrievances to the authorities
because no one’s going to believe them
and everyone’s going to laugh at them
so best to be quiet
stay in the corner
because no one wants to see them or hear them

little girls should be should be helpless and weak
so a man can take care of them
don’t carry that weight
that’s man’s work
don’t be so muscular
that’s man’s work
never be strong or
try to show others
they can take care of themselves
the world will accuse them of trying to be boys
because the worst insult for a boy is to be called a girl
and the worst insult for a girl is to be called a girl
pretending to be a boy
because no one could actually want to look like that
girls like pink and dresses and soft things
boys like blue and shorts and hard things
because boys aren’t supposed to be soft
and girls aren’t supposed to be hard

Prince Charming

I'm not exactly sure what I was thinking
you were magnetic and friendly
I was on holiday in a foreign place

We had a few beers, talked
shared dinner and a few dances

You introduced me
to some friends who vouched for you
male and female alike
above the roar of rasta remix music
the bar where you worked
You had just graduated and were feeling
celebratory

I could have eaten your accent with a spoon

I wasn't even drunk

I thought
maybe we could hang
relax awhile
then I'd go back to my room

We took a cab 

My phone was almost dead
so I turned it off

When we had gone up the stairs
into your apartment
I found out it was shared with somebody else

It's what I had imagined grungy big city life to be like
but seeing it in person nearly made me want to leave

You brought me into your room
so your roommate wouldn't see me
when he got home


You started taking my clothes off
removing yours too

Stone cold sober
I realized this was actually going to happen

Part of me couldn't believe
someone like you wanted someone like me
Part of me wanted to leave

I stayed. 

The regular sex was okay
but it wasn't enough for you

You had me turn over
before I understood what was happening
your huge dick was somewhere
I didn’t want it to go  

I hurt
a lot

I froze 

When you finished
you showed me the condom
proud of your cum
washed up while I got dressed

When you came back in
you pleaded for me to stay
sleep awhile

I agreed

I guess you thought
we'd have sex again
but I was terrified of you

I needed to leave

But I stayed
waiting for you to fall asleep
I quietly got dressed
used the last of my phone battery
to find my way back to the train station

Waited for the train for almost an hour

I kept looking behind me
scared that you would come after me
find me

You didn't

The train finally came

As I walked back to my room
stunned, exhausted
you called

I guess you woke up
noticed I was gone 

You acted so worried
asking where I was

I said I was a block from your work
almost home
but you didn't believe me

Finally, you accepted
I wasn't coming back
said you'd call me later

Okay,
not sure whether I wanted you to
or not

You didn't

I never heard from you again

I think I was relieved
disappointed too

It requires a special kind of self-loathing
to hope for a phone call
from the beautiful, exotic guy who
might have just "raped" you

Too shocked and scared to say no though 
so maybe you got what your deserved

After all, he bought you dinner
And drinks
And caused you to bleed

.Price Charming. 

the path untraveled

I followed the path
to a fork in the road

instead of left or right
there were paths in every compass direction 

I sat on the ground
leaning against a signpost
contemplating my options

I thought about your response to this dilemma

My mind worked its way through the options
counter clockwise
eventually concluded you’d find fault
with every choice 

Instead of walking forward
towards a blue horizon between blustering clouds
you’d have me shovel through clay and burrow
between the roots of wandering trees

Instead of finding my way by foot
you’d launch me over the hills
by trebuchet
the grass no doubt greener
though you’ve never seen it

Instead of risking death or spiritual decay
I choose blindly
closed eyes and trusting feet
an indefinite plan to follow each path
clockwise
until the ferns swallow my footsteps
and I can no longer find my way back

I don’t know where I’m going
but I know where I’ve been
and I have no intention of reliving
what has already expired